“life will be better in spring”

March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 March 2011




“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” - Flavia Weedn

You know, it's not that I'm afraid. I'm just...unsure. It's just as Ning said. D: No one actually understands.

"just freakingly tired.
from the blames
the thoughts.
the problems.
the challenges.
the everything.

just too many questions unanswered.
getting paranoid over the slightest things you can ever imagine.

i made this goal for myself at the start of the year.
it was to forget you.
maybe you will never ever know, how hard it is to do that.
and if ever will i forget you.which i know i must.love.
it will be something i will forget too.

my results. do you really care?no i dont think so.
you didnt even bother to notice how hard i was trying.
i just took a break and you tell me to get on with work and stop playing.
yea.i was playing.
i passed the papers to you to see.thinking that you might care.
no you didnt. you just left the papers at the same postion.
showing you my progress report card.
just a keep up the good work.then getting back at doing your own stuff.
i am not asking you to give me any reward or anything.
but i am trying to ask you to understand me.
it's hard to explain.

ah.i hate myself for having hopes.
cause disappointments are what i get.
it either that or that i am not trying hard enough."
-Xue Ning

Guess in the end, everyone is the same in one way or the other. Just that some get a worse-er deal. D< It's tiring, you know. I'm still human. I have feelings. Always alone to bear the pain, to carry the burden, to fend for myself, to overcome my emotions, to face life. It's damn hard. How would it feel if you were me? But of course you'll never understand. Cuz we live in 2 completely different worlds.Locking up the next paragraph. Ask if you want the code. But I may not tell you, it's not that I hate you, not that I distrust you, just cuz there are things I don't need the whole world to know.


I wish I were as lucky as this boy. D: Haiz.